


never let your fears decide your fate

by destiny919



Series: time travel trauma [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Identity Reveal, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02 Le Marchand de Sable | Sandboy, Episode: s03 Desperada, F/M, Flashbacks, Identity Reveal, Psychological Trauma, he would have been Extremely Fucked Up by desperada like holy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:36:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destiny919/pseuds/destiny919
Summary: Sandboy must have seen her reflection in something, because he suddenly snapped his head away from Chat Noir and whirled around to face Ladybug. He let out a cry and blew a wave of sand at her. Ladybug tried to dodge out of the way, and she just wasn't fast enough.But Chat Noir was.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: time travel trauma [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129838
Comments: 11
Kudos: 208





	never let your fears decide your fate

**Author's Note:**

> seriously adrien has to have been a complete wreck ever since desperada and i think it influenced his decision to stop pursuing ladybug as much as chat blanc influenced marinette to stop pursuing adrien
> 
> title from 'kill your heroes' by awolnation

Sandboy attacked Paris again at midnight on a Monday night. The poor kid couldn't possibly have nightmares this bad just from scary movies.

"Shouldn't his parents have taken him to a therapist by now?" Ladybug grumbled.

"It doesn't work that fast, even for a kid. Especially a kid," Chat said ruefully. "He probably doesn't even understand what his problems are."

"I swear, this is Hawkmoth at his most despicable," she muttered. "Akumatizing a helpless child..."

"He knows Sandboy is effective," Chat reminded her, face grim. On him more than Ladybug, or so he had been in the past. Their nightmares weren't always the same every time. 

She wondered if they had changed again.

Ladybug blinked, and for a moment her partner was ice white and her city submerged. She definitely didn't have to wonder about her own nightmare's form this time. If Chat Blanc and his watery wasteland manifested, who knew how far the damage could spread? Sandboy had a tiny fraction of Chat Blanc's power, but it could still easily cover the entire city if not the planet. 

"Kitty," she said urgently, "Sandboy can  _ not _ get me with his dust, do you understand? Not under any circumstances."

His eyebrows drew together in concern, but he nodded. "I will protect you as always, my lady."

"Protect yourself, too," she said, as she did every time. It never seemed to really sink in. 

"As much as I can," Chat promised. It was all he ever promised. He'd die before he'd fail to put her safety above his own - and he had, multiple times. Those were chief among Ladybug's other nightmare options. Chloe-worshipping zombie Adrien was a fond memory in comparison. 

Ladybug bit her lip and didn't press the issue. Better to stay focused on defeating the akuma before he had the chance to hit either one of them. 

Predictably, about 20 minutes into the battle, Ladybug's luck failed her again. She was sneaking around behind Sandboy, still trying to find the akumatized object while Chat kept his attention, deftly evading a hurricane of special stardust. 

Ladybug was the slow one. She was the one who messed up. She was always the one who messed up. 

Sandboy must have seen her reflection in something, because he suddenly snapped his head away from Chat Noir and whirled around to face Ladybug. He let out a cry and blew a wave of sand at her. Ladybug tried to dodge out of the way, and she just wasn't fast enough.

But Chat Noir was. 

"Chaton!" she shrieked when Chat dropped to the ground, spitting and convulsing slightly. She completely ignored Sandboy as he zoomed off cackling, dropping to her knees next to Chat, who sat up and his eyes immediately widened, pupils shrinking to slits. Hands trembling, Ladybug looked up, and was once again confronted by her own doppelganger. 

She was about to breathe a sigh of relief - Nightmare Ladybug's cruel words were at least a familiar foe - when it did something unexpected.

Nightmarebug smiled, confident and sweet, and held out her hand. There was a familiar box sitting in her palm. 

On the ground, Chat Noir whimpered.

"Adrien Agreste," her doppelganger said proudly, "this is the Miraculous of the snake. You will use it to-"

There was a flash of yellow light, and the dream Ladybug - she hadn't really understood what made her a nightmare, she was a bit a distracted by the mention of  _ Adrien? -  _ disappeared. The real one would have been relieved again, thinking the nightmare had failed somehow, if it weren't for the noise that came out of Chat Noir when he saw that yellow light. It was barely human and not even feline, a heart-stopping sound of pure despair. 

Chat scrambled forward, towards the Miracle Box facsimile that Ladybug now noticed had been left behind on the ground, evidently the nightmare's continuation. He reached for it and his claws were inches away when Ladybug managed to latch onto his arm and throw her whole body into holding him back. "Chat, no!" she shouted. "Don't touch it!"

"I have to put it on!" Chat howled, yanking against her. "I have to use Second Chance, I have to save her!"

"Why would you need to use the Snake Miraculous?" Ladybug couldn't help asking, bewildered. "And - why is that a nightmare? The fusion went fine!"

_ "Adrien Agreste," _ the nightmare had said. 

"...Chat Noir didn't arrive to the fight with Desperada until after Adrien gave the Snake to Viperion," Ladybug said slowly. Chat, still barely being restrained and not making any more articulate noises or seeming to listen to her, was caught up in what could only be some kind of flashback. "How did you even know I gave it to Adrien first?"

There was just one answer staring her in the face, and it was too horrifying to contemplate.

_ "25,913 times..." _

"Oh, no," Ladybug whispered. 

Immediately, she redoubled her efforts to pull back her partner. "Chat!" she yelled. "Listen! That was a nightmare, I'm right here! Desperada didn't get me! We're fighting  _ Sandboy!" _

Chat only whimpered again, making another grab for the innocuous-looking Miracle Box. He also kept grabbing at his right wrist, like the Snake bracelet was already there. Like he'd already used it thousands of times and the movement was now unshakeable muscle memory.

She was never allowed to choose another Miraculous holder again. Chat could pick all of them from now on. 

Ladybug managed to flip her and Chat over so she could kick the fake Miracle Box away, where it went skittering under a car. Mercifully, rather than try to go after it, Chat Noir went almost limp in her arms, and let out a defeated whimper. She cuddled him close, sitting there on the ground.

"I'm sorry, my lady," Chat Noir said finally.

"What could you possibly have to be sorry for?" she mumbled into his hair. Especially compared to her. "I can't even be mad at you for taking the hit this time, when I basically told you to do it."

"I would have warned you about mine," Chat said, "if I knew that's what it would be. It's - Sandboy's aren't usually memories." She felt him swallow hard. "Although I really should have guessed, it's not like that isn't my most frequent nightmare already," he muttered, so low she probably wasn't meant to hear it. Well, too bad.

"Mine too," she said. "Mine is a memory, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'll tell you about it later." After she'd recontextualized that entire situation now that she knew his identity. Adrien clearly didn't tell anyone hers, for example.

And she had to weigh the risks of volunteering her own identity, at least so things wouldn't be so uneven, and how much Chat knowing it might or might not have helped bring about the literal apocalypse. She could  _ not _ take into account her own feelings for Adrien, or Chat's for Ladybug.

Chat was clearly thinking about their identities as well, in a very different direction. "I know you didn't want to know, so I'm sorry for that."

"It's not your fault," Ladybug replied immediately. 

"And...I'm sorry I failed you."

"You have  _ never-"  _ she began hotly.

"As Aspik, against Desperada," Chat,  _ Adrien _ said, "I failed you thousands and thousands of times. And every time I had to watch you die right in front of me because I couldn't save you."

She struggled for several moments to form words, and not the way she usually did around Adrien. Nothing she could say seemed adequate. Nothing about her was adequate. "I - I do know how that feels," she said at last. "You've died  _ in my arms _ at least a dozen times, chaton."

"A dozen, not almost twenty-six thousand," Chat said flatly. "I'm sorry, my lady-"

"Please stop apologizing-"

"-but I don't think you  _ do _ know how it feels. I'm almost three months older now, did you know that? Plagg told me. All the time no one else remembers, that happened. I lived that." She hadn't known that. "The Miraculous magic let me go without food and sleep, but for some reason didn't stop me from aging. I grew half an inch." He snorted softly. "It's almost weird to think that we do  _ this _ but we really are still just kids. I'm growing all the time, and my father is well over six feet - someday this kitten will probably be able to fit you in one of his pockets, my lady. And who knows how strong I'll be."  _ Probably still not strong enough to save you,  _ she heard as clearly as if he'd actually said it.

Ladybug was quiet for a long moment, still holding him tight. "My Papa is much bigger than my Maman," she said at last, very softly.

"O-Oh." Chat had gone very still, like a small animal who sensed unexpected movement.

"My Maman is even shorter than I am, though," Ladybug added. 

"Really," he said weakly. "Does she represent the Lollipop Guild?"

She made a verbal keysmash. "I'm not that short!"

"Sure, Bugaboo." She took the nickname as a sign he was beginning to calm down, and was proven right when he started shifting in her arms, clearly trying to decide whether he was ready to sit up and away from her - to give up one of the embraces he received so rarely. Mere streets away, people were screaming.

"We can cuddle as much as you want later," Ladybug whispered in his ear, more tender than she'd ever allowed herself to be with Chat Noir, or had the courage to be with Adrien. 

He went utterly still again for a moment. "You promise?" he asked hoarsely, without a hint of teasing or flirtation.

Her heart shattered. "Yes, mon minou," she choked out, "I promise."

"Alright, then," Chat said, a hint of energy returning. "Let's go face our fears."

Before she could respond, to make sure he was really ready to go face Sandboy and the sadly likely possibility of getting dusted again, Chat had leapt right to his feet, baton already extending and vaulting him up onto the rooftops towards the screams. He could probably hear them much better than Ladybug could.

Ladybug sat on the ground alone for maybe another thirty seconds, picking up the scattered shards of her heart, before getting up and swinging after him towards the battle. 

She wouldn't leave him to face his nightmares alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> i WANT to do a second (and perhaps third) part of this with the rest of the battle, where ladybug gets hit and chat blanc makes an appearance and calls marinette by name, making it a double reveal (and then the third chapter is wall-to-wall comfort) but there's a high likelihood i'll never get around to it so i've marked this complete


End file.
